Some Pun Humor About Goau'uld System Lords
by stargatewatcher
Summary: Some system lords have names which it's easy to make a pun of. SG-1 and some system lords' Goauld allies accidentally make a pun in 3 different situations.
1. Apophis Pun

**Some Pun-Humor Involving a Few System Lords**

**Apophis Pun**

Author's Note: Hi, people. I've been inspired by some Stargate fanfic authors who write humor-category stories. I think humor is one of the key aspects of the show, so I love humor fanfics. I'm writing this one as my first humor fanfic, so please go easy on me. I'm not intending it to be a great piece of humor-fic; just thought I'd show it as I'm curious how you feel about it. You might think it's really corny, I'm aware. Sorry if I'm annoying you and wasting your time by writing this attempt at humor.

_Incident One—Apophis_

SG-1's in the middle of discussing a mission briefing where they'll be fighting some of the system lord Apophis's Jaffa ground forces as well as those of his ally Heru'ur.

Jack O'Neill :says 'OK. We'll expedite defeating this Jaffa division by taking out Aphophis's uh, uh Officicisers… blah! I always stick myself when saying these tongue-twisters out loud. I meant to say we'll start by eliminating Apophis's offic-scissors…dope!! Got tongue-twisted _again_. You know what I mean—those_ officers _who lead troops in this division. Now, ya see, our goua'uld friends, being the little pests they are, don't conveniently name their officers from _general_ all the way down to corporal. Just gotta make our doing tasks much more inconvenient than necessary—anyway they don't structure their infantry in similar units like we do. So we take out his first prime—and the term first prime is redundant by the way. So we'll start by taking out that guy, alright, then we'll attack the Apophis regiment officer. Everybody still with me? Good. Then we eliminate the ol' Apophis office..cissyer..uh goshdarn it people, I fumbled again. '

Daniel Jackson says: 'I think we need to use more intelligible language. Spoken language is the primary medium in which human beings communicate in social settings. If we can't communicate effectively using spoken language dialogue, then..'

Teal'c says sternly :'Daniel Jackson I think Colonel O'Neill is about to launch one of his bitter verbal tirades to invoke you to stop going off an a boring tangent.'

Samantha carter says: 'Oahhhhh _yeah_! We've all seen what that's like. Colonel O'Neill might start using foul-intending language next.'

Jack O'Neill says 'Thanks, T. Thanks, Carter! ' He sighs. Then he lights up and seems about to have an epiphany. 'Ah hah!' he says . We'll just call those guys _Apophiccers_. He smiles satisfiedly and relaxes.

The other three SG-1 members just stare, each evaluating what Jack just suggested.


	2. Nirtii Pun

**Niirti Pun**

Two new officers had arrived at Stargate Command to join the International Stargate Team One, or ISG-1. One was from the Hong Kong Special Adminstrative Region, Colonel Andrew Chin. The other was from the United Kingdom, also accustomed to speaking British English, Colonel Robert Smith. Both colonels spoke with Cockney-Welsh accents. The two air force officers would be helping the combined team to recon, and possibly, to take combative action against one of Nirtii's bases. They would hopefully even be able to eliminate the evil goddess-poser herself if they were lucky.

The two colonels underwent much rigorous training, both physical and mental, for about seven days' time straight as soon as they arrived. Colonel Jack O'Neill, the quick-witted and most certainly unconventional ranking officer next to the impressive General Geroge Hammond, supervised the officer and enlisted training. The two foreign colonels had studied a bit of American-English very carefully for weeks beforehand to be able to communicate clearly with their counterparts who spoke American-English.

On the seventh day, they finally were ready to head out on their important, possibly dangerous first offworld excursion. Little did they know at the moment though that soon, due to a miscommunication involving misunderstanding of an accidentally-stated effective pun, they'd soon be involved in a rather serious misunderstanding. This type of dramatic miscommunication even occurring, however, also involved a lapse in communication between the two non-American officers and their American liaison officers.

Both officers Chin and Smith happened to be from places where, coincidentally or not coincidentally, drinking afternoon tea was a very popular daily habit. Even thought they were down in the New World continent of North America, they were still going to carry out their usual daily habit by themselves. It was almost three o'clock in the afternoon when a base airforce Sergeant, Tom Sanderson, due to a defective localized loudspeaker system and defective localized phone wiring, came by their temporary shared-office to inform them that it was "Nirtii time", since the two colonels had wanted toleanr They thought this NCO to be only unnecessarily stating the obvious, that it was almost time to be attending the daily-held afternoon ceremony savoring the hot, boiled liquid leaf-flavored beverage Unfortunately, events passed atypically so that Chin and Smith hadn't been informed about this alien enemy Goa'uld being named Niirti. So, of course they automatically thought the sergeant was certainly telling them that it was nearly the hour for anyone who could spare the time and wished to, to go to the cafeteria to take the afternoon tea/snacks serving. Chin and Smith happened not to like the typical SGC-served tea and its accompanying snacks. So they always opted to skip out on this American rendition of the event. And so a young, baffled Sergeant Sanderson adamantly tried to get his message across to these two misunderstanding visiting officers. "But you must go, colonels. We've specfically invited you two to go on this very important, essential actvitity."

"But this really isn't that essential an activity; I mean we will be doing this activity everyday, so why are you insisting so much that Colonel Chin and I partake in this event?"

"Uh, with sincerely no disrespect mean at all sirs, actually, no it's not, sirs. I can assure you that this is a rare opportunity you won't want to miss. I'm guessing perhaps we personnel on this base failed somewhere to communicate a vital fact We a get lucky to be able to capture so dangerous a Go'auld every day and perhaps bring them onto the base to interact with for our benefit."

"But why, for heaven's sake, would we want to want to bring a Go'auld onto base to a social gathering? I doubt they would prove to be very pleasant company, and not to mention that they could be entering this base with, perhaps literally from what I know of Go'auld abilties involving technology, some sort of dirty-trick up their sleeves to cause us unimaginable mayhem. Does General Hammond himself know about this plan of action? Because I'm extremely concerned to be involved with the American Stargate program if ypu people carry out such reckless, endangering acts such as this one you speak of."

Sergeant Sanderson frowned a most puzzled, perplexed look. What exactly could the misunderstanding be? *Well, let's see, lets just see...* Sanderson refelected to himself. Had he possibly spoken using American slang which somehow confused the two foreign senior officers. Eureka! _Niirti time_ could very well sound like _near tea time _if someone misunderstood the intonation! All he had to do was ponder on the specifics for a moment and he'd gotten it. No wonder the eighteen-year-old first sergeant had been accepted to Colorado Springs to study and become a commisioned airforce second-lieutenant upon graduation. Being the perfectionist he was , he was a bit upset he hadn't noticed much earlier.

As soon as Tom Sanderson had explained this dramatic but simply-caused difference of syntax perception, the three military officers could only throw back thier head laughing. Colonel Chin and Colonel Smith no longer were no longer feel the urge to seek out General Hammond and demand he explain allowing such a ludicrous ideas to be carried out and even asking newly-arrived important allied officers to partake in such ludcirous behavior.

When General Hammond heard about this now-hilarious understanding and the linguistic misunderstanding cusing it, he laughed so loudly that he attarcted the attention of more SGC personnel than he would've liked to.


End file.
